


In your warmth, I forget how cold it can be

by NKI_Stories



Series: In your warmth I stand. [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, KakaIru Mini Bang 2020, M/M, Missing-Nin, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NKI_Stories/pseuds/NKI_Stories
Summary: Kakashi didn't believe in falling in love just from finding your soulmate, but he felt a strong surge of respect towards this man who had sacrificed his own good life in the village, for the hopes of finding a better one for Naruto.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Umino Iruka & Uzumaki Naruto
Series: In your warmth I stand. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1771033
Comments: 12
Kudos: 196
Collections: KakaIru Mini Bang 2020





	In your warmth, I forget how cold it can be

**Author's Note:**

> Created for the KakaIru-mini-bang event 2020! 
> 
> Huge thanks to Jessicamiriamdrew for helping me with this fic!

The nature behind soulmates was a mystery nobody knew the answer. Nobody knew how or why a person was chosen for the other, other than the fact that they always seemed to be compatible and have a bond so strong you couldn't put words for it. 

Not everyone had one, some people were born without a soulmate and never experienced the torture of not meeting their chosen one. They never understood the pain and toll it had on one’s body, or why people who never found theirs tended to have a shorter life span. 

Those who never found their soulmate tended to live bitter lives or sometimes even go insane. It wasn't because they found no happiness or joy in life, but because the feeling of always being cold could get close to unbearable. Most people learned to cope as they somewhat got used to it, but they always were a bit tenser than others, never really able to relax. It didn't help that the longer you went without finding your destined significant other, the colder your body became.

It was normal to hold several events a year in the bigger cities or villages where large groups got together and made sure they touched as many as they could with the hope of finding the person for them. The success rate was surprisingly high which was good, though some people were unlucky.

The concept of soulmates was a gruesome element in their existence in Kakashi's opinion. Once you touch your soulmate, you would finally be able to feel warmth. Touching or being close to said person, would chase the cold away. He just did not understand how the universe could put such a horrible fate upon people who never found theirs. 

Or those that lost theirs to death...

If the other half died the bond would be broken and the person left behind would again go back to feeling cold. A horrible fate that had killed his father after Kakashi's mom died. His father not only had to experience the loss of his true love but the feeling of being cold once again, returned. Not being able to get warm and knowing you never would again had to be excruciating. 

Not many people survived it. 

Kakashi had been angry when his father killed himself, angry because it made Kakashi feel like he wasn't worth it, bitter because he didn't understand the pain his father lived with back then. But the older he got, the colder he became, and at an age of 26 and not having found his soulmate yet, he started to understand. And he had not even experienced warmth in the first place. 

Until now. 

He had always feared the worst when it came to his soulmate. The universe seemed to love stepping on him and making his life as painful as possible. 

He had always done his best to not touch anyone unless he could avoid it. He did not want to suffer the same fate as his father when Kakashi's mother died, or Rin when Obito died. It was the main reason he kept himself as covered as possible. The only visible skin being around his right eye. 

But this was way worse.

Standing in front of him, was Umino Iruka, Chunin of Konoha at the age of Sixteen, a teacher at the academy. The file explained he was well-liked and very passionate about the Will of Fire. Believed to be one of the most loyal in their ranks. Never thought to have gone a missing-nin. 

And apparently his soulmate.

Kakashi had spent months tracking him, the chunin had covered his tracks exceptionally well, especially with an 11-year-old pre-genin in tow. 

The man had long brown hair put up into a ponytail, tan skin, and a scar that went across his nose on top of an extremely attractive face. Deep brown, expressive eyes and a long narrow nose. He no longer wore his uniform or any hitai-ate like he had in the picture Kakashi was given and was now wearing a plain gray sweater instead of the green chunin uniform. He still wore the standard uniform trousers but there was it was no mistaking it. Kakashi had been sent to dispose of this traitor and bring Naruto back to Konoha. 

When Kakashi first found them a few days ago, he was surprised to see that his sensei's son seemed to adore the man who betrayed their village, and he could see the affection they both had for each other. The boy did not seem to be in any distress and actually seemed happier than Kakashi ever saw him when back in the village. 

The Godaime, Danzou Shimura, had explained to him that the teacher most likely had twisted the boy into believing they left with a purpose, using his position as a teacher to his advantage and betraying the trust Naruto likely had in him. He was told this was possibly the reason why the blonde went along willingly. 

The more he observed them, the more the doubt started to bloom within him. The chunin seemed so genuine. His face is so full of life and sincerity. There was nothing about the younger man that gave Kakashi the feeling of malicious intent.

It confused him and made Kakashi observe them for longer than he probably should have. 

When the Sandaime had died suddenly in his sleep, he had feared for Naruto's safety, but he had been run back to back on missions and even reinstated for a few ANBU ones. He always wanted to do more but didn't know how. He had always brought death and misery where he walked and did not want to infect Naruto with his deadly disease. It was a fact that anyone close to the copy-nin died. 

But the boy seemed happy? 

He had been bouncing around the traitor who looked at the boy with nothing but love. Umino Iruka would ruffle the blonde's hair affectionately and Naruto would beam of joy, the already wide smile would spread even wider.

When the Sensei finally noticed Kakashi, he had pushed Naruto behind him to shield him from the potential danger, telling him to run and hide, willing to put himself in harm’s way to protect the boy most saw as a demon. A demon that had killed this very man's own parents and left him orphaned at a young age. Naruto did run as told, but not without sending a worried glance back at them. 

Kakashi knew he should have attacked and killed the missing-nin before he could allow himself to doubt his order further and before he had to spend extra time looking for the boy. But he couldn't move. He couldn't make himself charge forward with a hand full of devastating lightning and land a killing blow on the man he had been sent to kill. 

It caused the chunin to attack first, with the clear intent of protecting the boy of all costs, even his own life. 

Kakashi dodged and blocked the incoming attacks, and instead of killing the man, he tried to detain him. But the man was sly, he elegantly dodged every attempt. Perhaps Kakashi simply hadn't been trying hard enough, a thought pushed to the back of his mind while he admired the man’s taijutsu-form and skill. 

Which caused him too while still fighting the sensei, let his defenses down and unintentionally let the other man land a hit to the exposed part of his face. 

At first, there was pain. It had been a strong punch clearly infused with chakra. Then he thought he had been hit by some jutsu as an unknown feeling surged through the entirety of his body despite not seeing the other man having cast any hand signs. Then he thought of poisons, but he never saw the traitor use or carry any vials. 

It left him utterly disoriented because a jutsu or poison tended to cause pain, but the feeling he felt was undeniably good.

He staggered backward as his thoughts flew through the motions, surprised by the lack of incoming attacks before he found his balance again. 

The sensei had stopped in the spot where he managed to land the hit and looked at Kakashi with wide and equally confused eyes that he assumed mirrored his own. It confused Kakashi even more because he had no clue what the sensei had done. 

They simply stood there having a staring match with each other when the realization dawned upon Kakashi. 

He no longer felt cold.

The sensei must have figured it out immediately, which was probably why the attacks stopped. The man somehow most have recognized the feeling of the chill escaping his body, being replaced by something else a few seconds after landing the hit. 

Kakashi truly must be losing his touch. 

"Shit!" Iruka hissed.

The word startled Kakashi, but he agreed with the sentiment. Shit indeed. 

They were clearly both frustrated by the turn of events.

But why? 

Why of all the people in Konoha, had this man, his newly found soulmate decided to betray Konoha and kidnap a child? What did he want with the nine-tailed fox and why did Kakashi have to be the one sent to dispose of him?

Why did this always happen to him?

Kakashi didn't even know this man, but his heart ached from knowing what had to be done. 

Kakashi had never been a very vocal person or one to lose control of his emotions, but the cry of anguish that escaped his mouth and the hand that slammed into the tree next to him couldn't be helped. 

The warmth that now was spread out within his body and the emotional pull towards this man was overwhelming. It felt good and light. Safe and right. There was a desperate need to be close and the want to touch tried to reel him in.

The pull was so strong.

Iruka's eyes widened, and his expression got filled with great sorrow. He didn't move or take his eyes off Kakashi, staying sensible knowing your soulmate was sent to kill him.

Naruto obviously loved this man, and Kakashi was convinced this man loved the boy back, he just couldn't understand why he had to become a traitor, why Umino Iruka had to run away from Konoha. Why of all the people was this person his soulmate? Did Kakashi really have to kill another person that held a big role in his life? Weren't soulmates supposed to be compatible? 

He wanted answers.

No. 

He needed answers. 

If he made any desition without any, he knew it would haunt him for the rest of his life. 

But he was also scared what those answers would make him do, he was scared that the answers meant Kakashi couldn't carry out his duty and do what Konoha asked of him. He was scared that maybe he wouldn't be able to let go. 

"Please, could you hear me out?" 

Iruka's voice was soft and pained. He probably didn't like the situation any more than Kakashi did. Kakashi knew he should say no. His mission wasn't about getting any answers, it was about bringing Naruto back and get rid of the person who took him. 

"Yes." 

He couldn't help it. He wanted Iruka to give him a reason to not kill him, he wanted Iruka to tell him that becoming a missing-nin served a purpose better than what Konoha did. He couldn’t imagine what that could possibly be, but he wanted to know the motivations that carried his soulmate to make this choice.

His soulmate...

A missing-nin…

That he needed to kill.

He wanted to touch him. The feeling still roamed his body, warm and comfortable. He knew what they said, the closer they were, the warmer they would be. Kakashi had to will himself to not step closer.

Finally being able to feel warm felt too damn good.

"Could we put down our weapons for this? Seeing you point a kunai at my face is putting me on edge."

Iruka was hesitant in his request and a moment of silence passed. What ninja asked another ninja sent to kill him, to put away their weapon so they could talk? Kakashi knew it was stupid, he shouldn't let his guard down, but he found himself nodding and tucking his kunai away anyway. He decided based on recent events that Iruka would unlikely attack him again. At least not before telling his story and hearing Kakashi's verdict.

How Kakashi was so sure about that, he didn't quite understand. It was normally against every nature in his body to let his guard down, but now he did it anyway.

And if Kakashi was wrong, he should be able to dodge an attack without a weapon. At least, so he hoped.

Iruka did the same but stayed fully alert. No doubt fully aware that Kakashi was still a stranger sent on a mission to kill him. Soulmate or not, he didn’t know what Kakashi’s intentions were or what he planned to do. 

"So?" Kakashi asked when Iruka didn't immediately say anything more. 

Iruka licked his lips and averted his eyes from Kakashi to his hands. He probably felt as off-balanced as Kakashi was from having his body temperature change so suddenly. A fatal mistake if Kakashi actually had the intention of killing him. 

He didn't of course, not right now anyway, but Iruka couldn't know that. 

Or could he? 

Kakashi had heard how soulmates were able to sense each other’s emotions, so maybe all the confusion, fear, and… trust? Wasn't all Kakashi's own feelings, but Iruka's mingled in with his own? 

Did Iruka trust him solely because they were soulmates? Was Iruka that big of a believer in soul bonds and happy endings or was there more to it? 

Didn’t Kakashi just put away his own kunai because Iruka asked him too?

Kakashi felt dizzy with the confusion this whole mess brought. Of all the people to send after Iruka, it had to be him. If someone else had been sent to kill this traitor, Kakashi would never be any wiser and lived the rest of his life not knowing who his soulmate was or what happened to him. Somehow he felt that would be easier, though he didn’t like the idea now that he did know. 

"When Sandaime died, Naruto was left without any protection. He lost his weekly support and his apartment was taken away from him." 

There was an edge to Iruka's voice this time, a mixture of sadness and disgust. Kakashi assumed that Naruto might have suffered more after the Sandaime died, but he didn't know he lost all the support. He never agreed with Danzou's regime as he seemed to only care about the objective, not the people. But intentionally taking everything Naruto had? Could the man really be so cruel?

Kakashi was loyal to Konoha, and Danzou was his Hokage, so what was he supposed to do about it? 

"He actually encouraged people to give Naruto a harder time, because he claimed it would create a stronger weapon. And supposedly being a weapon was the sole purpose of Naruto's existence." Iruka spat with absolute venom, obviously upset that someone could be so heartless towards a child. 

Kakashi had not known it was encouraged. He hadn't really had the time to notice running back to back doing missions. 

A bile rose in his throat. He couldn't fault Iruka for wanting to protect the troubled and mistreated boy, even if he carried a seal with the monster that took his family from him. Iruka saw a boy, carrying a big burden rather than the monster everyone else claimed they saw. It showed to Kakashi that Iruka had a heart and soul willing to see the depth and truth. He didn't pretend to care for the boy like Kakashi had feared originally, though never really believed after observing them for a few days.

But it didn't explain why Iruka took Naruto away from the village, he could surely have provided Naruto some support within the village walls instead of here, out in the middle of some abandoned forest with no roof over their heads at all. Kakashi had to ask because he didn’t understand. 

"Surely you could have provided support within the village?"

Iruka almost looked startled from hearing Kakashi voice more than one word at a time, and he blinked a few times before answering. 

"No, I tried. I let Naruto live with me for a few days, but I received an order saying nobody was allowed to house him or I would be executed for disobedience. I requested an audience with the Godaime, but he declined it. Nobody wanted to hear me out. I couldn't just kick Naruto out of my home, leave him homeless on the streets. So we left." Iruka paused, a pained expression crossed his face. 

"It wasn't an easy decision, betraying my village that I swore to protect, but the Godaime showed no remorse towards Naruto or myself. Naruto was suffering and I saw no other option. It's not like many people are willing to stand up for him. I had to do it."

Kakashi saw the logic. Iruka was a traitor, but still carried the Will of fire with him. He simply could not turn his back on one of his own that was so unfairly treated. Someone he obviously cared for. 

Iruka then suddenly smiled at him, a hesitant and sad smile, but still a smile. 

"But you're different. You see how the village is just wrong right now. How Danzou-Sama will run it to ruin. If you didn't I would be dead right now, I don't think being soulmates would change that."

Seeing Iruka's smile directed at him made his heart flutter and the mention of what they were made it feel more real.

Kakashi didn't believe in falling in love just from finding your soulmate, but he felt a strong surge of respect towards this man who had sacrificed his own good life in the village, for the hopes of finding a better one for Naruto. 

There was no cruel bone in Iruka's body, he didn't go missing because he wanted too, he did it because Naruto needed him too.

Kakashi was really at a loss of what to do. Iruka could be very good at manipulation, and this an attempt to convince Kakashi to show them mercy, but then Kakashi didn’t think so. This man was his soulmate on top of that true, but Kakashi had hesitated to kill him before he learned that fact, he had seen the affection towards Naruto before he realized Kakashi was even watching. 

Also, if Kakashi was correct about the bond, he felt no ill intent at all.

He wondered if he had been the one in Iruka’s shoes and the one to see the way his sensei’s son was treated if he could have done the same thing Iruka did? Or would he turn a blind eye simply because his Hokage told him too? 

Kakashi knew the answer and felt disgusted with himself. He was too loyal to do anything but what he was told. He would watch Naruto suffer rather than doing the brave thing Iruka had done. It was what he always had done anyway, Naruto suffered before as well and Kakashi never did anything about it then. But Iruka did. Iruka showed Naruto love and compassion, he showed Naruto that there is more to life than just pain and suffering. He put his own burning loyalty to the side because he knew Naruto needed him more. 

Kakashi had always made the wrong choices, and he felt his chest tighten with guilt and sorrow. He was constantly told he was one of the bravest, strongest, and most valuable asset Konoha had, but the truth was he was nothing but a coward. 

Kakashi felt like shit, but at the same time better than he ever had. His body was no longer rigid from the chill it always carried, it felt more relaxed than ever, even as he was standing in front of a deadly enemy. 

Enemy…

Iruka was an enemy, but at the same time not. He was Kakashi’s target, and by not carrying out his order, it would make Kakashi equally a traitor. 

But he couldn’t convince himself to ignore everything he had just learned about this man and why he had taken Naruto away from Konoha, even after knowing what was in store for him. Even if Iruka wasn’t his soulmate, Kakashi didn't think he would be able to carry through. As cold-blooded as people claimed him to be, he really was too soft at heart. 

Kakashi knew he made his desition, even though it wasn’t easy to admit it. He had friends in the village he couldn't leave behind. Not even mentioning serving Konoha was really all there had ever been to his existence. 

But Iruka was right. 

It wasn’t just the case of Naruto that had changed for the worse, but the mentality of the missions they were sent on. There were more solo-missions than ever, increasing the death-rate immensely as the new Hokage wanted to be more efficient. Tenzou had disappeared, which had Kakashi worried and fearing the worst considering his friend's background with Danzou. Part of Kakashi hoped his Kuhai had escaped, even if it meant him being a missing-nin, but doubted it because, like him, m Tenzou lived to serve. 

If Kakashi left Konoha behind, no doubt more people would come for him as well. Iruka had left for the sake of Naruto. If Kakashi left, it would be for the sake of himself. And the Jonin did not know how to be that selfish. 

He wanted to keep the warmth he felt so bad, he wanted to get to know this man in front of him, he wanted to protect Naruto. 

But, he couldn't abandon his village and let it rot under the Godaimes claws. He had people he needed to protect there too, and as much as he wanted to grab the stranger in front of him and run into the sunset and enjoy the feeling of warmth...

He couldn't.

Kakashi studied the man, the traitor, and his soulmate who now had gone quiet, patiently waiting to hear what Kakashi decided. Kakashi suspected Iruka already knew based on how the smile had faded and been replaced by sad eyes. He probably felt Kakashi's dilemma too, understanding why Kakashi couldn't just go with them just like that, he probably had the same troubled mind before he left himself. 

"I won't kill you, but I can't abandon Konoha either," Kakashi said quietly, averting his eyes looking into the sky. He no longer worried that Iruka would attack despite his declaration, so he left his defenses down and let himself relax.

"I see." Was all Iruka said, and Kakashi could hear the disappointment that bled through his voice. They were strangers, and still, Kakashi wanted to hold him and tell him he was sorry, comfort him and say everything would be ok, even if they both knew it was a lie, even if Kakashi never had been one for that kind of physical contact. 

"But, I won't leave you or Naruto either." He said after a moment. The words scaring him, terrifying him in fact, because it made what he was about to do more real. He just met this man like ten minutes ago, but this time he knew without a doubt he was doing the right thing.

"I will stay, more people will look for us and it will not be easy. But I will also work from the shadows to bring Danzou down, I do anything I can for Konoha until a better Hokage is to be elected."

This time he met Iruka's gaze again. Iruka looked completely stunned, and his eyes started to sparkle with tears of relief. The brunette finally relaxed. 

"I understand, and I will help you on your quest. Maybe if we succeed, we can return." 

Iruka's voice was wavering, full of emotion and hope. He released his clenched fists and closed his eyes. Most likely taking a moment to process everything. 

Kakashi nodded. His body screaming in both agreement and disagreement with the choice he just so carelessly made. 

He was doing it, he was about to become a missing-nin.

He felt so many emotions surge through him. He was scared of what his friends and comrades would think of him, scared that maybe he would never be able to return home or that he would find himself abandon his friends and comrades for selfish reasons. And for what? A stranger of a soulmate he just met? 

He jumped when a hand carefully grabbed his arm, but immediately recognized it to not be a threat. He experienced another surge of warmth going into his body even if this time Iruka's skin didn't touch his. He hadn't even noticed Iruka moving, and a part of him knew he should have been more cautious, but at the same time, he knew he didn't need too. 

They both stared at where Iruka's hand was, amazed by the new wonderful feeling of finding your soulmate brought. He swallowed before looking back up at Iruka, studying the attractive face and feeling another kind of warmth spread in his chest, one he thought had nothing to do with the bond. 

Iruka looked up at him with regretful and kind eyes. Kakashi really hoped he would be able to see more of that beautiful smile of his soon. 

"It isn't easy, and it won’t be for a very long time. But now we have found each other, so perhaps we can get through it together.”

Iruka’s eyes scanned the small part of Kakashi’s face that he could see, looking for any indication that he and Kakashi were on the same page.

"But before we continue, I must ask for your name." 

Iruka looked incredibly shy at the last part, and Kakashi realized he never did introduce himself and wanted to laugh. He just decided to betray everything he knew for this man, and they hadn’t even exchanged names. Kakashi of course knew Iruka’s name as he was the target, but Iruka might not know his. He was used to people already knowing so he rarely had to introduce himself. He guessed Iruka already knew, but decided that whatever their new relationship would be from now he wanted to start on blank terms. 

Kakashi swallowed nervously and licked his lips behind his mask before retracting from Iruka’s touch. Iruka looked hurt and confused for a small moment, but expression soon replaced by awe when Kakashi slowly took his glove off and aimed his hand out for a handshake. 

Iruka looked at his hand for a few seconds, clearly realizing that they would touch skin to skin this time before gently grabbing the hand. 

This time there wasn't just warmth, this time Kakashi could feel their chakra intervening with each other, almost grabbing the other's chakra like it's own handshake. With it, Kakashi could finally make sense of what was his own emotions and what was Iruka's. They both gasped when the chakra took a leap and sent a jolt of shock through their bodies, integrating itself with the other. 

They had just accepted the bond, and they would be able to sense each other and feel the warmth even if they weren’t close. 

It only lasted for a few seconds before it settled. And Kakashi gripped harder around Iruka's hand, scared to let go. 

"Hatake Kakashi." He simply said looking into the younger man's face.

Iruka blinked a few times before he nodded and introduced himself. Now with a wide smile spreading on his face. 

"Nice to meet you Kakashi-san. I am Umino Iruka."


End file.
